Thursday, March 24, 2011

A letter to my son

Owen,

I cannot believe that you are 2 years old. It feels like just yesterday that you were rolling around in my belly like a crazy man. You absolutely loved to stick your foot under my right rib making it impossible for me to move around. It was such a fun reminder that you were always with me. On the day that you were born, I truly did not understand the concept of being a mother until I saw you. I can honestly say that I loved you from the moment I saw you.

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When you were just a couple of hours old I was able to sooth you for the first time. I instinctively knew exactly what you needed from me and that was the most beautiful thing in the world.

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The first 6 or so weeks were really difficult because I always worried about you. Jaundice and difficulty nursing took its tole on me emotionally. All throughout that time all I would have to do is look in your face and I would know that the sleepless nights and the uncertainty were absolutely worth it.

You were born in Little Rock Arkansas where Daddy was stationed for Pilot training. You spent your first 3 months of life there where you learned to smile, sleep through the night, and roll over. Then we made the 16 hour commute to our new home in North Carolina. I was so excited to finally get to give you an airplane nursery and a place to really feel at home.

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We have spent the last couple of years truly getting to know each other. You have become such a sweet boy who loves giving hugs and kisses. There is nothing better than hearing the words “I love you Mommy”. You also make me laugh all of the time. You have the funniest expressions and love to do all that you can to make your family crack up at one of your eye expressions.

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What has become even more beautiful is the fact that you have known exactly what I have needed from you! You have taught me how to truly love somebody unconditionally. I hope you always know that above anything else, I love you. I know the future will involve hard times, difficult decisions, and normal family disagreements; but I will always love you, no matter what.

You have brought me so much joy in the 2 years that you have been my son. You have showed me what family truly is and to disregard the difficult childhood that I had. You have taught me to be present in everything that I do instead of always looking to the future. Your smile brings me so much happiness while your laughter brings me so much joy.

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My hope for you as you grow up is that you always remain such a sweet boy. Always be kind to other and always show that humorous side that I just can not get enough of. My prayer for you is that you always have a heart for the Lord. You love talking about Jesus and singing children's bible hymns before bed. One of my favorite things that we do together as a family is pray each night together. Then we enjoy singing an AMEN song complete with funny hand gestures.

I also desire for you to always know how loved you are. You are such a bright sunlight to all that you come into contact with.You have the ability to make everyone smile, laugh, and feel so much joy.         

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Thank you so much for being my little boy. Thank you for changing me and for changing my heart. You have made me into a  better person and for that I will always be thankful.

Love you,

Mommy.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Gallbladder

Hey guys, if you get a chance tonight/tomorrow to say a little prayer- that would be GREAT! I am having yet another gallbladder issue and I will most like have to get it taken out soon. I have an ultrasound first thing in the morning and then a specialist appointment monday morning. I am in so much pain and just frustrated!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Why it was the worst day

A Golden Heart stopped beating.

This is a post my friend Leslie wrote. It was so touching that I thought I should share!

As some of you may know Rico has been very sick over the last few days. Our veterinarian believes that he had “Doggie Dementia”. This is where he will be perfectly fine than without notice freak out, stop than wonder what had happened or what he was doing in the first place. This change came all so sudden. Rico has seen the same veterinarian for 4 years now and knows what kind of dog Rico is. Sweet, loving, and the biggest baby.

Luis and I found Rico in the early summer of 2006 in the Hope Mills, Wal-Mart parking lot. He was very tiny and probably too young to be away from his mother. Luis and I quickly agreed that he would be a great addition. Mind you Luis and I were still only dating. Chloie didn’t like the decision for the first month. Slowly but surely he grew on her. From than on out they were best buddies. We lived with my mom in her small apartment for a few months, but shortly after Luis and I got married I moved to Hope Mills. The only family or friends I had were them. Luis was deployed for 15 months. Wow! They got me through everything! They saw me in my best and worst times. They always showed me the most unconditional love.

Luis got home from his deployment, we got pregnant and had our first son Carmine. Both dogs followed Carmine everywhere making sure he was ok. In the last year Rico really enjoyed playing with Carmine and our neighbors son Owen. He would tickle them by nibbling at their toes and hands and licking them until they couldn’t take it any longer. Rico was amazing! Everything anyone would want in a dog.

Last week Rico started to change. His attitude was very off so I scheduled a appointment with our vet. After a thorough exam by not only our regular veterinarian but buy another they sat me down to explain what was wrong with Rico and that it is not something that is curable. The only choices were to keep him shut away from the family the rest of his life or put him down. After much talking, research, thinking, crying, and doing all these things over and over again. Luis and I decided it would be best to put him down. He was suffering and we couldn’t bear punishing him for the rest of his life by keeping him secluded.

Today I had a friend come watch Owen and Carmine while Amy went with me to the vet. They gave Rico a sedative, Iv, than the medicine that would ultimately end his life.  Rico passed peacefully in my arms at 3:45pm Tuesday, March 1, 2011.

This was the hardest decision I have had to make in my entire life. How are you supposed to make a decision of death? Especially for a family member who is loved so much. As his heart stopped beating today a part of mine did as well. He is loved forever and always and will missed tremendously by everyone who knew him.

Some pictures of the last days and moments of Rico’s blessed life. A horrible disease that unfortunately picked him.
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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Worst day

I am going to have to keep this vague because it is not my story to tell. But today was honestly the worst day of my life. I was a friend to someone in  need today while she had to do something that no person should ever have to do. No, not an abortion. Something else. But it took everything in me to be there for her and to support. The decision she had to make was 100, no 105% the exact right decision, yet it did not help.

I can honestly say it was the worst day of my life!